extravagant love come down

WHO I AM HATES WHO I’VE BEEN
(by Relient K)

VERSE 1
I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific
And you might think I’m losing my mind
But I will shy away from the specifics
‘Cause I don’t want you to know where I am
‘Cause then you’ll see my heart
In the saddest state it’s ever been
This is no place to try and live my life

PRE-CHORUS
Stop right there!
That’s exactly where I lost it
See that line?
Well, I never should’ve crossed it
Stop right there!
Well, I never should’ve said that
It’s the very moment that I wish that I could take back

CHORUS
I’m sorry for the person I became
I’m sorry that it took so long for me to change
I’m ready to be sure I never become that way again
‘Cause who I am hates who I’ve been
Who I am hates who I’ve been

VERSE 2
I talked to absolutely no one
Couldn’t keep to myself enough
And the things bottled inside
Had finally begun to create so much pressure
That I’d soon blow up
And I heard the reverberating footsteps
Syncing up to the beating of my heart
And I was positive that unless
I got myself together
I would watch me fall apart
And I can’t let that happen again
‘Cause then you’ll see my heart
In the saddest day it’s ever been
This is no place to try and live my life

PRE-CHORUS
Stop right there
That’s exactly where I lost it
See that line?
I never should’ve crossed it
Stop right there
I never should’ve said that
It’s the very moment that I wish that I could take back
(REPEAT)

CHORUS

BRIDGE
Who I am hates who I’ve been
And who I am will take the second chance You gave me
Who I am hates who I’ve been
‘Cause who I’ve been only ever made me

CHORUS

It’s a painful process. To realize how so not unrighteous I am. To be humbled over and over again by God. As I sat in Social Psy (advanced) class that day and listened to one of Prof Eddie Tong’s anecdotes/quick bites, I realized how lowly I am.
He asked this, “if there was no God, no moral punishment for crimes like murdering/raping/whatever, how many of you would commit these crimes? You’d be surprised that at least 60% of you would.”

I wasn’t surprised. God brought to mind at that very moment a line from some Christian book, “Given the right situation, any person would sin.” My heart fell to my stomach. You would have to know me better, to know that I am such a self-righteous brat that I think that everything I do is right and inwardly I am a very judgmental person even though I seem so uncritical outwardly, that this realization was such a blow to me.

me: “I would do that kind of thing?”
God: “Yes. You are not that righteous after all. BUT. I sent my One and Only Son to die for your sins. So that you are now blameless.”

But it does not mean that we can go around sinning. Jesus came and died for our transgressions so that we can now live a righteous life. Which is why who I am hates who I’ve been. For the things that I’ve done in the past. I’m sorry to all the people whom I’ve done wrong to. Even in the past year. I am not perfect. But I am changing. I am trying to be the best I can be. I know I can’t by myself but by God’s grace, He’s changing me, refining me, moulding me to be the clay that He wants me to be.

I’m sorry for the person I became
I’m sorry that it took so long for me to change
I’m ready to be sure I never become that way again
‘Cause who I am hates who I’ve been
Who I am hates who I’ve been

The art of losing myself in bringing You praise
It’s this issue of losing more of myself, while letting more of God in my life that God wants to tell me every day.

Paul says in 2 Cor 4:7-12,
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.“
and in Gal 2:20,
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.“